i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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