I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
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