I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize