my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
