You can't special order awesome
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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