All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
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