Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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