we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
