thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
