fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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