pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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