I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
