Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I don't deserve a penis
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
