you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
