sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
