I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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