I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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