Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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