Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
