She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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