Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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