friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize