everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
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