its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
