I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
this is an emotional support booty call
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
