I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
50% drunk capacity currently
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
