Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
