Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
