I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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