Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
