Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
