it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
