How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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