whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Is Oprah even human
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
