we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
