You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
