remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize