Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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