she was so not down for the gang bang
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
