Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
