I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize