Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Soap is not a condiment
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
