Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
