he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
