I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
