Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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