Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
