So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
