yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
