We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
