are you still at the devil's house?
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
