She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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