woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
