Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
