She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
