I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
