I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
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