I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
