The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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