I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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