I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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