i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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