I puked a lego.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
