i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
