I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
